Monthly Archives: July 2024

I want to talk to you today about something I am going to call “moral love”.  It seems to me that the whole world at this moment is preoccupied with this concept. It’s important to address it, and in many ways all of humanity has been involved in the discussion for all of history.

It includes questions like what is right and wrong? How does morality apply to individuals, groups, businesses, countries, races, genders, children, pets, animals, plants, soil, rocks and in some circles, planets?

What is right because it’s right? Who decides that? What factors trump other factors?

As of late the discussion has taken on a new flavor, a new sort of dogma and, instead of being something humanity ponders in addition to other things, the current deliberation has pushed it to the forefront with a fevered pitch, making it almost an all-consuming din of noise.

How do you approach a topic so varied and convoluted when everyone, everywhere, all at once, is screaming that their angled perspective is the one and only true way to look at something?

The Bible told us it would be like this as we got closer to the end. It told us that knowledge would explode and grow at an exponential rate, and that people would become so focused on their stance on the question of morality that family members would turn on each other because they disagreed, and that many would be killed simply because they had a different thought on the matter.

It’s not an easy undertaking. I mean, the answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe, and everything is not 42.

And, it’s not just about perspective either. Obviously every person belongs to multiple groups. They are part of a race (maybe even 2 or 4), they belong to a gender (maybe even 2 or 4…), they belong to a city, a state, a country, a planet. They are of a certain age (which changes), and in so many “states” of being throughout the course of their life. And, they all, I mean, we all, want what’s best for US. We want what best serves us – and we want what serves us best right NOW. If our circumstances change, we now want what serves us best NOW.

Moral Imperatives Change

Here’s an example to make things clearer: baby boomers.

This huge generation of children born in the middle of the last century were a huge group of babies, then, as time went by, they were a huge group of children. Then a huge group of teenagers. Then a huge group of young adults. Then a huge group of middle-aged people, and now they are a huge group of seniors, really, really senior some of them.

When they were children, schools were adjusted to meet their needs. When they were teenagers the world adjusted to meet their social needs. When they were young adults, the world adjusted to help them join the work force in mass, then retirement systems changed to accommodate them, and now nursing homes and social security and health insurance have all adjusted to help them age.

At any given time, what they wanted and demanded, was different.

Senior people didn’t have the weight or the clout in society when those baby boomers were babies in the same way seniors do now in our society, in our laws, in the programs offered for taxes, insurance and the like. But when those same babies became teenagers, the babies didn’t matter as much, but school aged kids and programs for them became the focus.

Those same kids destroyed the culture of our country in the 50s and 60s, annihilated all the established ways of doing everything, and they didn’t put it back because, well, now they were young adults. And what mattered to them was raising kids, and, you get the idea.

You cannot from this determine that babies are always the most important, or that school aged kids are, or that teenagers are, or that young adults, middle-aged adults, or senior adults should be the priority of a culture or a country.

How much weight should any of them have? Which trumps which? I mean if you only have $100,000 to spend on programs to help people, who should get the help? Who should get the dollars? Who deserves it more or needs it more?

This is a simplified question because it leaves out all the other factors and all the other groups and all the other subgroups. It only shows how the needs change though time and how everyone needs help and the form of help changes.

And this only considers circumstances in which people want to help and want to be helped. Maybe people are selfish pricks instead…Have you ever encountered one of those? Is that more the norm than people who want to help?

Why Moral Love Matters

If you are an adult and you don’t have any moral stance on children, for example, it makes it okay to suck up all the life, money, time and resources for yourself. ‘Who cares about children?’

Or, if you are a teenager and you don’t have any moral stance on businesses, for example, it makes it okay to shoplift. ‘Who cares about them?’

If everyone does that, if everyone only pushes and fights to get what benefits themselves right now, we are set up for a huge fight. One that no one will win, because in the end, none of the “stuff” matters.

Sure, you might have the best schools for your kids, or the best parks, or the best neighborhoods, but if you aren’t raising well-balanced, loving children to become well-balanced loving adults you’ve lost everything.

Maybe you’ve heard about ceasefires on Christmas or of enemies being kind to one another in certain circumstances. This is ‘moral love,’ and it’s getting rarer and rarer. I think this is so partly because no one is talking about it, at least no one is hearing it.

It used to be heard in the church, but church attendance is down. We used to hear about it in school, but that is not the message schools are teaching any longer. We used to hear it in families, but that is also something that has gone largely by the wayside.

Moral love matters because it is fundamentally part of the make up of humans. It is part and parcel of being human. And when we don’t have it, it makes us less human, more animalistic. Eat or get eaten.

We are losing site of it like a shore that gets smaller and smaller until it disappears. Soon we won’t remember what it even looked like.

Definition of A “Moral Love”

So, a ‘moral love’ is a love that loves because it’s right. That definition only works if you know what right and wrong is, but first note that it indicates there is a motivation for that love involved.

It’s a love that is motivated by doing what is right, as opposed to doing what works best for yourself. It is, then, by definition, doing what is right for someone else. And that is a little bit easier to grasp.

Even if we are fuzzy from all the screaming about what is right, we CAN figure out what’s better for someone else. We can put others above ourselves.

Here’s another thing we can conclude even if we don’t know for sure what is end is up about what particulars are right or wrong: we can put others first BECAUSE it’s right. We can love BECAUSE it’s right.

And, when you start thinking through things in this way, it kind of is a cheat code for figuring out what is right and wrong.

You don’t have to figure out who trumps who. You can choose to love Because. Because it’s right. Because it’s good. Because it’s moral. Because it’s human. You can choose to act and choose because – like a simple rule.

Meaning we can logically approach the issues facing us. And in days gone by we would have put it this way, “do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” It’s a little too King-Jamesy for my taste, but perhaps if we modernize it by making it situational.

When in doubt, try it on for size. When you put the shoe on the other foot, when you put yourself in their situation, it’s very easy to tell what is and is not loving.

I recently lost my father. We were not close. ‘Nuf said…

And I had the tedious task of going through his many things and determining what to keep and what to pass on or let go of. Almost every box, every drawer, ever letter, every card and photograph held some nuanced insult to me.

I kept finding myself asking “what were you thinking?” What was it that could have deluded him into thinking he was a good person when he didn’t do the most basic things like care for his wife and children? Because I honestly believed he had convinced himself that he was a great guy. One we were proud of. Ones who would mourn his passing… Why? What was there to mourn? What I lost I lost years and years ago when I was afraid in my bed, when I was humiliated, when I was denied.

And then I would wonder, why am I wasting time thinking about any of this? Why does this hurt so much? Why do I care?

And then, it came to mind, because he should have done right by me. He should have done right by my mother. He should have been a good guy, a dependable, safe, caring guy.

He should have just done it. I mean, even if he hadn’t felt it, ooey, gooey lovely dooey for me. He should have done it. Isn’t that what polite people do? Isn’t that what good guys do?

We tell people we like their haircut when they ask, even if we don’t give two figs about their hair. We do it because it’s right.

And, no, I’m not saying we should always be nice no matter what…that’s the stuff of trauma for sure! But I am saying that loving others rather than destroying everyone in our path because we want everything for ourselves is a better plan for society than the direction we are heading.

And, even if we don’t feel like it, we can do it BECAUSE it’s the right thing to do.

And if we are uncertain which course of action is the loving thing to do BECAUSE, then we are very likely to be able to figure it out by putting ourselves in their shoes.

That exercise in and of itself is worthwhile. Thinking past the end of our own nose, seeing things from a different perspective. Imagine!

You know, without a shadow of a doubt when someone is loving you with this type of love. It resonates with us even if we speak different languages. We get it, because it’s God’s kind of love. And when we practice it we are a bit more like Him and make others a bit more like Him, too.

“Moral Love” Is A Choice

The fact that this love is a choice is another component which we all get instinctively. We know when someone could have chosen otherwise. We know they didn’t have to put us first, that it makes the most sense to put yourself first. And in some instances, we know that we would have put ourselves first if we were in the same circumstance. We know we would have. And we KNOW when someone choose otherwise, making us the beneficiary of charity, “moral love.”

We know they did it BECAUSE. That they had a reason, one that is higher than being a mere animal scrapping to get what they could. And that reason, without a doubt, points to a God. A higher plane. A higher calling. There is no other reason. There is no other BECAUSE.

We know when people do it, and we know when they don’t. And, if we are honest, we know when we do it and when we don’t.

Of this love the Bible says, “against such [love] there is no law.” (See Galatians 5:22-23).

If sin is the breaking of the law, and loving others with a moral love cannot have a law against it, it is safe to say that this type of love cannot be sin.

[Jhn 13:35 KJV] 35 By this shall all [men] know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.

Even if we cannot figure out who gets the biggest piece of pie, or what group or subgroup should trump others, if we are motivated by love BECAUSE it’s right, we will find our way.